this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
