12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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