after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
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Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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