I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
