i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
