After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
