He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
