You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize