Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
