he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
cat food counts as protein by the way
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
