You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
