You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
