did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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