I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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