when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
