A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
