3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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