kristin has been a bad kristin
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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