Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
