Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
