the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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