i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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