so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
