Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
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I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
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I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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