he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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