I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
