He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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