Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
