Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
