I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
