help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
