She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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