I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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