Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
