I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
