she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
