i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
