if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
they're like a gay fantastic four
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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