An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
