I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
