I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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