Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just google imaged poop.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Randomize
