No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
