I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
