I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
