you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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