take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
