I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
