chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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