Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You pole danced in your parka.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Randomize
