I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
