I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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