I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
