i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
