It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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