Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
