My hand turned me down
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
