She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
