he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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