I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
