i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I touched a dick in church today
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
